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His solutions, moreover, affirmed or exacerbated the dysfunction of our romantic culture. By dating, he seems to refer to both 1) a mutual appointment between a guy and girl (e.g., seeing a movie or getting drinks, coffee, or dinner) which may or may not be part of an exclusive relationship and 2) an exclusive relationship between a boyfriend and girlfriend who spend lots of time together privately.
Dating is the “product of our entertainment-driven, disposable-everything American culture,” Harris explains in “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” Dating, at its core, promotes the wrong attitude and wrong approach to relationships.
Over the last 20 years, Harris has moved away from home, gotten married, had kids, and, finally, enrolled in a formal school setting. In an interview with NPR this July, Harris explains that a wake of personal testimonies about his books has caused him to reevaluate his argument and its influence.
His Twitter feed includes several apologies to those wronged by his teachings.
Harris articulates his theory of dating and courtship in three resources: the initial article for , “Dating Problems, Courtship Solutions,” “I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance,” and the sequel, “Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship.” Harris insists his books are not a formula for the perfect relationship, but this claim amounts to empty hedging against the charge of legalism.
Harris’s writings provides a robust framework for why dating is the problem and courtship the solution.
In reality, dating is an artificial environment—a break from real life and away from real relationships.
Moreover, dating isolates the couple from life’s most important relationships: family, friends, and church.
But his writings do not support this interpretation.In contrast to friendship, courting couples spend time together for a “purpose beyond mere recreation.” While there are some one-on-one conversations (such as confessing past sexual sins), the church community and each other’s families guide and oversee the relationship.A couple left to themselves becomes blinded by feelings.In “Boy Meets Girl,” Harris denounces abusive and manipulative fathers as “unbiblical.” He genuinely sees fathers as loving, wise, and earnestly wanting the best for their children.Think about it charitably: if one would ask dad for help with homework, selecting colleges, or getting a job, then why wouldn’t one seek advice in romantic relationships?